I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
