So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
