your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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