just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
