ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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