Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're like the curious george of whores
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am naked and annoyed.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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