I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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