I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
