I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
