Already got asked if we're dating
why didn't you poke me back
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
