I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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