he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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