don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
