I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
