dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
