you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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