Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
