Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
