That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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