so that wasnt chicken after all
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
