its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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