get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
