Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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