sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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