I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
