so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
