the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
