Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
