I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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