I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
