yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
