Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
