Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
