We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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