They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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