Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
