then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
