Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
