I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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