WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
