i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
