I wish I only lived at night.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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