i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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