I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
