Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
is it fun? or sober?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
