My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
