Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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