Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
