i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
