yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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